|Pigs Have Wings
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First published in US: October 16 1952 by Doubleday & Company, Garden City, New York|
First published in UK: October 31 1952 by Herbert Jenkins, London
Clarence, ninth Earl of Emsworth, has good health, a large income and a first-class ancestral
home with gravel soil and rolling parkland. But these blessings count for
nothing in the presence of a certain Sir Gregory Parsloe: Lord Emsworth in convinced he has evil
designs on his pre-eminent pig, Empress of Blandings.
It is fortunate for Lord Emsworth that there is at least one member of the family upon whom he can
rely. The Hon. is Galahad Threepwood is at hand.
Click for enlarge book cover
Sebastian Beach — Butler at Blandings who helps steal a pig. Maudie's uncle.
Clarence, Lord Emsworth — 9th Earl who is infatuated with Maudie
Lady Constance Keeble — Lord Emsworth's dominating sister
who is the widow of Joseph
(Tubby) Sir Gregory Parsloe-Parsloe, Bart. — Lord Emsworth's neighbor
Empress of Blandings — Prize-winning fat pig who does it again
for the third time here
Pride of Matchingham — Sir Gregory's fat pig, a rival to the Empress
George Cyril Wellbeloved — Sir Gregory's redheaded pigman,
formerly in the employ of Lord Emsworth
(Gaily) Hon. Galahad Threepwood — Lord Emsworth's brother
(Penny) Penelope Donaldson — Small, slender, fair-haired American who is in
love with Jerry. Freddie Threepwood's sister-in-law.
Orlo, Lord Vosper — Rich, handsome school chum of Jerry's in love with
Gloria. Gets engaged to Penny and finally back to Gloria.
Maudie Stubbs — Ex-barmaid at the Criterion known as Maudie
Montrose. Beach's niece who owns a detective agency. Poses
as Mrs. Bunbury, Mr. Donaldson's friend. Used to be engaged
to Tubby and after many years, they come together again.
Monica Simmons — Lord Emsworth's pig girl in charge of the Empress. Sir
Gregory's cousin and large daughter of the Vicar.
Herbert Binstead — Sir Gregory's butler
(Jerry) Gerald Anstruther Vail — A detective story writer in
love with Penny who wants to start a health resort. His uncle,
Plug Basham, is Gally's dear friend.
Lady Dora Garland — Lord Emsworth's sister
Queen of Matchingham — Sir Gregory's new fat pig, imported from Kent
Gloria Salt — A tennis champion engaged to Sir Gregory. Formerly engaged to
Jerry and Orlo. Becomes reunited with Orlo.
Bulstrode — Chemist at Market Blandings
Riggs — Aunt Dora's butler
Jno. Robinson — Taxicab driver at Market Blandings
Alfred Voules — Lord Emsworth's chauffeur
Lancelot Cooper — House agent in Market Blandings
Constable Evans — Policeman in Market Blandings
G. Ovens — Proprietor of the Emsworth Arms. Percy is his son.
Sir George Biffen (*)
Freddie Threepwood (*)
Gally, Beach and others have bet their savings on the Empress for a third
win in succession in the Fat Pigs Class at the Shropshire Show. Now Sir
Gregory Parsloe, having already lured Wellbeloved away from Lord Emsworth
for higher wages as pig-man, has bought a super-fat pig, Queen of
Matchingham - legally, but unethically - to run against the Empress. Monica
Simmons, Lord Emsworth's new pig-girl, turns out to be Sir Gregory's niece.
Gally and Lord Emsworth are sure Sir Gregory will try to nobble the Empress
so that the Queen may win the Silver Medal. Beach's widowed niece, Maudie
Stubbs, once barmaid at the Criterion, had been going to marry young
'Tubby' Parsloe, but they had missed each other at the wedding. Now Sir
Gregory is engaged to Gloria Salt, a lithe tennis player who has ordered
him to diet drastically, or else ... Penny Donaldson, younger sister of
Freddie Threepwood's wife, Aggie, is at the castle. Lady Constance wants
her to marry Orlo, Lord Vosper, handsome, serious, rich, a tennis player
(who had been engaged to Gloria Salt, but they had quarrelled about
poaching on court). Penny is in love with Jerry Vail, writer of thrillers,
and they need £2,000 for Jerry to take over a health farm. Gloria, asked by
Lady Constance to find Lord Emsworth a secretary, produces Jerry Vail, who
used to be something of a boyfriend of hers.
Sir Gregory's butler goes to the village chemist to buy half a dozen
bottles of Slimmo for his master. Gally hears of this and is sure it is
meant for thinning the Empress. The battle-lines are drawn and it develops
into snatch and counter-snatch of pigs, the castle commando being Gally,
Penny and Beach. They bring Maudie Stubbs, who has inherited a detective
agency from the late Stubbs, down to watch over the Empress's cause, and
they infiltrate her into the castle as being a friend of Penny's
millionaire (American) father. Lord Emsworth's foolish heart goes out to
Maudie in a letter (which has to be retrieved quick when Lord Emsworth
discovers she is an ex-barmaid and ... more embarrassing ... niece of his
butler - he'd have to call his butler 'Uncle Sebastian'). Well, Lord
Emsworth, thinking that Jerry has restored the Empress to her sty, writes
the necessary £2,000 cheque for him and Penny to start in on the health
farm. Orlo Vosper and Gloria Salt become a mixed double again and Sir
Gregory proposes again to dear Maudie, who will become Lady Parsloe, and
will work on the principle that the way to a Bart's heart is through his
stomach. Beach, having been in the Market Blandings police lock-up for half
an hour, gets £500 hush-money from Lady Constance for his pains. The Queen
consumes six bottles of Slimmo and the Empress wins the Silver Medal for
the third time running. The local newspaper celebrates the event in expert
Source: Richard Usborne. Plum Sauce. A P G Wodehouse Companion.