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Начало Тема Форум Российского общества Вудхауза / Дживс и Вустер / Сценарий: 1.1 Знакомство
- Автор ssmith Время 2004-01-31 11:58 Отредактировано 2007-01-05 16:45
1. В суде
- This is one of the most shameful cases ever to come before this bench. In all my years as a magistrate I have seldom heard a tale of such callous iniquity.
- Ah.
- Be quiet! This parasite can think of no better way to end an evening's hooliganism on night of the University boat race! Can our seats of learning produce barbarians so lost to decency that their highest ambition is to steal a hard working police constable's helmet and make off with it? I find you guilty as charged, Bertram Wilberforce Wooster, and have no alternative but to fine you the sum of five pounds.
- But...
- No 'but's, Wooster
- If...
- No 'if's. Take him away. Away, I said!

2. Вустер подъезжает к дому
- [Where you go.] Three bob.
- Good morning, mister Wooster.

3. Явление Дживса
- I was sent by the agency, sir. I was given to understand that you required a valet. ... Very good, sir. A Late night last night, sir? ... Yes... If you would drink this, sir. It is a little preparation of my own invention. Gentlemen have told me they find it extremely invigorating after a late evening.
- I say! I say!! You are engaged!
- Thank you, sir. My name is Jeeves.
- I say! Jeeves, what an extraordinary talent!
- Thank you, sir.
- Could one inquire...?
- I`m sorry, sir.
- No, no, course not.
- I am not at liberty to divulge the ingredients, sir.
- No, no, no, of course. Secrets of the guild and all that...
- Precisely, sir.

4. Вустер входит в клуб «Дронс»
- I say! I say hallo!
- Hallo!
- I want to get in.
- You`ll have to come this way, I`m afraid. We can`t shift him.
- I was thinking of having a snifter before lunch.
- Sound idea.
- Anyone in the bar?
- Barmy Fotheringay-Phipps.
- Is he?
- Oofy Simpson and Freddie Chalk-Marshall.
- Really?
- Two Wooster twins, of course.
- What, Eustace and Claude?
- You know them?
- Oh, they`re my cousins.
- You must be Bertie Wooster.
- I am!
- I am Rainsby!
- How do you do!
- You`d better come in.

5. В клубе «Дронс»
- Well, {NOVEL LAD}!
- It`s not right Mr Wooster! I am the one the committee is going to blame for this, you know. They can`t abide mooses, the committee can`t.
- Oh, think it out as a сertain what`s it.
- Come on, Rogers! Do give me a hand!
- Bertie!
- Cousin Bertie!
- Did you meet young Dog-Face on your way in?
- I met someone called Rainsby in a hall with a moose.
- Elk.
- Sorry!
- It`s a common enough mistake.
- It was a mistake pinching it.
- Where did you steal it from?
- I don't know... Something museum place...
- In Kensington.
- I don`t think I`ve ever been to Kensington.
- Oh Barmy! Yes you have, you mother lives there.
- Oh, that Kensington.
- So what did you want him for?
- It`s for "The Seekers".
- What are the seekers?
- It`s a club in Oxford.
- Eustace and I are rather keen to get in. Rainsby too. But you have to pinch something to get elected.
- Now, touching that lunch, you very decently were going to volunteer to stand us...
- That cannot be done, I`m afraid, I`ve got to have lunch with our Aunt Agatha.
- Not the nephew-crusher?

6. Берти на обеде у тетки Агаты
- Bertie!
- Aunt Agatha?
- It is young men like you who make a person with the future of the race at heart despair.
- Right.
- Cursed with too much money you do nothing but waste your time on frivolous pleasures. You are a simply an antisocial animal, a drone. Bertie, you must marry.
- I say, really, Aunt Agatha.
- Will you be quiet! There, Mackintosh. You want someone strong, self-reliant and sensible...
- No, I don`t.
- ... to counteract the deficiencies of your own character. And by great good fortune I have found the very girl.
- Who is it?
- Sir Roderick Glossop`s daughter, Honoria.
- No!
- Don`t be silly, Bertie! Sit down and eat your luncheon. She is just the wife for you.
- Really, look here...
- She will mould you.
- I don`t want to be moulded. I am not a jelly.
- And that is a matter of opinion. Lady Glossop has very kindly invited you to Ditteridge-Hall for a few days. I told her you would be delighted to come down this afternoon.
- What a pity! I am so sorry. I've got a dashed important engagement this afternoon.
- Nonsense. You will go to Ditteridge-Hall this afternoon.
- Right.

7. В дорогу (дома)
- Jeeves, we shall be going down to Ditteridge this afternoon. Can you manage that?
- Certainly, sir. Will we be traveling by train, sir?
- By train, yes. People by the name of Glossop.
- Would it be Sir Roderick Glossop, the noted nerve specialist, sir?
- That`s the one.
- Very good, sir. Which suit would you wear, sir?
- This one, I should think.
- Very good, sir.
- Don`t you like this suit, Jeeves?
- Oh, yes, sir.
- What don`t you like about this suit, Jeeves?
- It`s a very nice suit, sir.
- Than what's wrong with it? Come on, out with it!
- Well, sir. If I might make the suggestion if we are to travel by train, perhaps, a simple brown Harris tweed such as this might be more appropriate.
- No, it's absolute rot, Jeeves.
- Very good, sir.
- Perfectly blithering, my dear man.
- Just as you say, sir.
- Well, all right then.

8. На вокзале
- Jeeves, I have to make one thing crystal-clear.
- Yes, sir?
- I am not one of those fellows who become absolute slaves to their valets?
- No, sir.
- Well, [as long as] we understand each other.
- Perfectly, sir.

9. Встреча Берти и Бинго
- I say!
- Steady on.
- Is that Bingo Little?
- Me? Yes. That's not Bertie Wooster?
- It is! I haven't seen you for ages, Bingo.
- I've been living in the country.
- Really, whereabouts in the country?
- Well, here, as a matter of fact.
- But why? You hate the country.
- Yes, I know. I`ve got a job tutoring the Glossop kid.
- What do you want to tutor the glossop kid for?
- Money, Bertie! Moolah. Oof. Spondulicks.
- OH well, yes. Oh, yes, the only one of the family I know is the girl, Honoria.
- Oh, Bertie!
- What?
- I worship her, Bertie. I worship the very ground she treads on. A tender goddess!
- Big girl, sporty?
- Strong and upright and wonderful!
- Well...Yes. Some matter of... Wait a minute, have you told her?
- Not yet. Haven`t got the nerve. But we walk together in the gardens most evenings and it sometimes seems to me there`s a look in her eye...
- Yes, I know that look... Like a sergeant major.

10. На мосту ( те же с Освальдом)
- Is that the kid?
- Yes. He`s fishing. I`ll introduce you if you like. This is Oswald. Bertie Wooster.
- Well, well, Oswald, how are you?
- All right.
- Nice place this?
- It`s all right.
- Like fishing, do you?
- It`s all right.

(те же без Освальда)

- Why don`t you shove him in?
- In the water?
- To wake him up a bit.
- She`d never forgive me. She is devoted to the little brute.
- Great Scott! I`ve got it! Listen, Bingo! Honoria is away, isn`t she?
- She is coming back tomorrow. She is coming, my love, my own...
- Yes, fine, absolutely, but... you still want to make a hit with her, don`t you, Bingo?
- Yes.
- Bless you, my child. You can do it!
- How, Bertie, how?
- It`s very simple.

11. Ужин у Глоссопов
- It`s [...], you see. You`ve got to flip forward first to disengage the chin strap. That`s where Barmy Fotheringay-Phipps went wrong on New Year`s Eve.
- Is that a person?
- A Barmy? Well, there is some dispute about that. But you see what he did was to pull straight back on the helmet and the policeman came with it.
- Oh, but he must have been hurt?
- Barmy? No. Just a couple of bruises.
- I think that my wife was referring to the policeman.
- No, no, no, no. Don`t believe it. No. They enjoy it. Like foxes.
- Foxes?
- How they enjoy being hunted.
- Oh, yes.
- But foxes are vermin, mister Wooster. Nasty, cunning creatures. Like cats.
- Lady Glossop and I dislike cats.
- WE hate them. Nasty, cruel beasts.
- We try to understand this, mister Wooster. Policemen, you say, enjoy having their helmets stolen?
- Well... Yes, yes, I think they try and enter into the spirit of the thing. Don`t you think, Bingo?
- Oh, yes, yes, yes.
- But what is the point of it?
- Point? Well, it`s a tradition. Really. It`s a part of rich tapestry of our Island story. It`s...
- Completely stupid.
- You mustn't be rude, Oswald.
- No, no, that`s all right. He`s young. He`ll learn.

12. Утро в Диттеридж-Холле
- What sort of a day is it, Jeeves?
- Extremely clement, sir, with the promise of further fine weather to come.
- Exellent. Just the sort of day for pushing cheeky young blighters off bridges, I should think?
- I couldn`t say, sir. Shall I lay out your gray flannel trousers and the chequered sports coat for this morning?
- Yes, yes, yes. I expect you`re wondering what I meant by that last remark, Jeeves.
- I should be most interested to know, sir.
- All right, well. I've had rather a stunning idea, Jeeves.
- Indeed, sir?
- You see, my friend Bingo Little is, well, more than a little smitten with the daughter of the house.
- Miss Honoria Glossop, sir?
- As you say, Jeeves, miss Honoria Glossop. How do you know about Honoria Glossop?
- There was some discussion in the servants` hall last evening, sir. I am given to understand she is a healthy young lady, sir.
- Hm, yes. That`s a pretty good way of putting it, Jeeves.
- Thank you, sir. And mister Little is enamoured of her, sir?
- Indeed, he is. The trouble is the poor sap can`t bring himself to pop the question.
- A common enough predicament, sir.
- Well, possibly, Jeeves, possibly. Anyway, your employer fired I must confess by the fact that my Aunt Agatha has me earmarked for Honoria unless I can lay her off on someone else has come up with a novel and fool-proof solution of the problem.
- This is very gratifying news, sir.
- Yes. Well, we thought so, Bingo and I, yes. What it is is this: miss Glossop`s young brother Oswald is by way of being the apple of his sister's eye.
- Human nature is very mysterious, sir.
- Ye, well, my thoughts precisely, Jeeves. Anyway, my plan is to lure Honoria to the vicinity of the bridge and then surreptitiously push the little blighter into the lake. Mister Little will thereupon come out from behind the bulrushes where he has to be waiting, rescue Oswald and have professions of undying love showered upon him by the grateful sister.
- H`m...
- What`s the matter, Jeeves?
- I couldn`t advise it, sir.
- Couldn`t advise it? What do you mean - couldn`t advise it?
- It`s just my opinion, sir, but your plan has too many imponderables.
- No, no, only Oswald is going to be imponderable. Im-pond-erable.
- Thank you, sir, yes. If I might say so, sir, any undertaking that requires the presence of four people in one place at the same time while two of them are unaware of the fact is fraught with the possibility of mishap, sir.
- Oh, [...], Jeeves. Not to say flat [...]
- Very good, sir.
- No. I`m sorry, Jeeves, but when you`ve been a little longer in my employ you will come on to understand that all my chums rely heavily on your employer`s wisdom and knowledge of human nature in the conduct of their affaires.
- Just as you say, sir.
- Not to mention my organizational powers and just plain ... finesse.
- Will that be all, sir?
- Yes, that'll be all, thank you. Just... no, that'll be all, thank you, Jeeves.
- Very good, sir.

13. Леди Глоссоп и Вустер
- Good morning, mister Wooster.
- Good morning, lady Glossop.
- Do sit down. I was looking for Oswald.
- Oswald? Yes, but he`s probably getting ready to go fishing, I should think. At least, I hope so.
- You hope so?
- Yes. Well, you know, fishing is a good healthy pursuit for a young man. Character building too. Back to the [...] mighty forces of Mother Nature. Yes, Oofy Prosser once asked Boko Fittleworth down to his place for some fly-fishing. Poor old Boko couldn`t find out why they want to catch flies. Still, that`s Boko for you.
- Do you always breakfast at this hour, mister Wooster?
- Oh, Good Lord, no, no, no. Only if I get up early.
- Sir Roderick was on his way to London at eight o`clock.
- Really?
- He had an urgent call from the Bishop of Hackley.
- The old Bish's got a few pages stuck together, did he?
- My husband is not in the book trade, mister Wooster. He is a well known nerve-specialist.
- Yes, that`s what I said. Yes, and dashed interesting work it must be too.
- Do you work, mister Wooster?
- What, work as in honest toil, you mean?
- Yes.
- Hewing the wood and drawing the old wet stuff and so forth?
- Quite.
- Well, I`ve known a few people who worked. I absolutely swear by some of them.
- But...
- Boko Fittleworth almost had a job once.
- Who is this Boko Fittleworth you keep talking about?
- Boko? You don`t know Boko?
- No.
- Good Lord, I thought everybody knew Boko.
- I do not.
- Looks like a parrot with a moult.
- No.
- Once he put his shirt on Silly Billy to win the Cesarewitch and Lady in Spain beat him by a nose.
- I have never met Boko Fittleworth.
- No, well, I couldn`t recommend it wholeheartedly, anyway. He is in a quiet taste, Boko. At least that`s what his mother says.
- You were telling me how he once got a job...
- Oh, yes,well, Boko`s got an uncle in the City, you see, brokes stocks or something like that. And he offered Boko this job and Boko accepted it. I don`t think either of them could`ve been firing on all cylinders, to be honest, at the time.. Anyway,chaos obviously ensued until Boko saw sense and gave it all up. Then we had to take it in turns to get round and sit with him until it calmed down.
- How would you ever support a wife, mister Wooster?
- Well, it depends on whose wife it was. I'd say, a gentle pressure beneath the left elbow when crossing a busy street normally fills the bill.

14. Byстер и Бинго Литтл
- Bertie!
- Bingo!
- She telephoned!
- She phoned you, eh? That`s good, isn`t it? Shows a friendly spirit.
- Well, she didn`t phone me exactly. But I picked up a phone when I was standing beside it.
- What did she say?
- She said me "Let me talk to someone with a brain".
- Ah!
- But it was friendly the way she said it. Go and start your latin!
- Did she say what time she`d be back?
- In about an hour she said.
- And when was that?
- About an hour ago. She`s bringing a friend, Daphne Braithwaite or something her name is.
- Very well then, twelve o`clock.
- What?
- Twelve o`clock, the bridge, Oswald!
- Oh, right, yes. We`re still [on to do that], aren`t we?
- Why, absolutely. You want still to bring Honoria to her knees, don`t you?
- Bertie, she`s such a wonderful person, she...
- Yes, fine. So, twelve o`clock, you`ll be hidden in the bulrushes by the bridge.
- Oh, Bertie, do you really think she ...
- I`ll see you later.

15. Вустер, Гонория и Дафна.
- Leave the bags. Beckett will get them. Beckett! Come inside. I want to show you some of the things I shot last week.
- Hello, Honoria.
- Is that Bertie Wooster. What is he doing here? What are you doing here, Bertie?
- Oh, you know. This and that, hither and yon.
- This is my friend, Daphne Braithwaite.
- How do you do.
- Bertie`s a wastrel.
- Oh, goody...
- At least that`s what his aunt Agatha says. Come on, Daphne.
- See you later, Bertie.
- Will I? Yes, see you later, Daphne. Oh, I say! Honoria!
- What?
- Would you come for a walk with me?
- What?
- you know... A walk.
- Becket, the bags. What for?
- I want to tell you something.
- Really? Now?
- No, no. In about half an hour.
- Right.
- No, no, that`s when, that`s when... In about twenty minutes by the bridge.
- Why in twenty minutes?
- It`ll be better then.

16. Леди Глоссоп и Гонория.
- Hello, Mammy, I`m back.
- Did you have a nice time at the Braithwaiteshire?
- Lovely, yes. I brought Daphne back with me.
- Close the door a moment, Honoria. Come and sit down. I had been talking to mister Wooster.
- Yes, I saw him. What`s he doing here?
- Missis Gragson sent him.
- What on earth for? He doesn`t shoot, he doesn`t hunt.
- It is your birthday next week, Honoria.
- I hope she didn`t send him down as a present?
- You will be twenty four.
- Oh, no...
- It is a good family, Honoria.
- Honestly, Mammy, he doesn`t work even!
- He told me this morning he has been thinking about work. He is not all your father and I would have hoped for for you, I agree, but... Surely, you could make something of him.
- Is he keen at all?
- I`m sure he is. You know how these young men try to hide their feelings.

17. Берти спасает Освальда
- Keep still, you ass. She`ll see you. Don`t sniff. Quiet, here she comes.
- Ah! Well?
- I was just thinking.
- What?
- This may sound a bit rummy, and all that. But there is someone here who is frightfully in love with you. And so forth. The friend of mine, as a matter of fact
- Well, why doesn`t he say so?
- Somebody hasn`t got the nerve. Worships the ground you tread on and all that. But just can`t whack up the ginger to tell you.
- This is very interesting.
- Is it? Well, anyway, that`s the posish. and so just bear it in mind....
- Oh, Bertie, how funny you are!
- I wish you wouldn`t make all that row . You`re scaring the fish away.
- Oswald, you shouldn`t sit down on the bridge like that. He might easily fall in.
- Might he? Well, I`ll go and tell him. Hello. Fishing, eh?
- Hey, watch out. Aaaa!
- Oswald! Help him!
- Help!
- What are you doing?!
- Help!..... Oswald! Yes...
- Oswald, are you all right?
- He pushed me. He`s mad.
- You run along and change your clothes.
- Honoria...
- Bertie, you are funny! First proposing to me in that extraordinary roundabout way and then pushing poor little Oswald in to the lake, so as to impress me by saving him!
- No, no, no, no!
- Now you run straight up to the house, change your wet clothes before you catch a death of cold. Go on! Oh, Bertie!

18. Берти и Бинго
- Bertie! Just the man I wanted to see. Bertie, a wonderful thing has happened!
- You blighter. What became of you? Do you realize...
- Your clothes are all wet
- Bertie, I was just on my way to hide in those rushes, when the most extraordinary thing happened. Walking across the lawn I saw the most radiant, the most beautiful girl in the world. We started to talk. Her name is Daphne Braithwaite, Bertie. Our eyes met and I knew at once that what I imagined to be my love for Honoria Glossop was a mere passing whim. Daphne is so wonderful, Bertie, like a tender goddess. And she is so sympathetic, Bertie ... Daphne! ... Her handicap is [only] six.

19.
-  It's funny how these things turn out, don't you think, Jeeves?
-  Indeed, sir.
-  Before we get Bingo [under start with Oswald even], there he is, falling in love with this blessed six-handicapper. Still, I suppose, at least it means he's been saved from this frightful Honoria.
-  True, sir, but if I might say so, sir, at a cost to yourself, which might have caused other lesser men to blench.
-  Oh, come, Jeeves. Slight dousing is no more than a chap might do for any other chap under the circs.
-  It was not the dousing, to which I was referring, sir, but to the engagement.
-  Engagement?
-  I was downstairs a few minutes ago, sir, and couldn't help but overhear miss Glossop announcing your engagement to her.
-  Is it getting chilly in here, Jeeves?
-  No, sir,
-  It must be my imagination.

20.
-  Bertie was so sweet, Mrs. Gragson, and so funny!
-  I find it difficult to envisage
-  I shall be able to make something of him, I am sure.
-  His has led a completely wasted life up to the present.
-  I say!
-  Be quiet, Bertie!
-  But there's a lot of good in him.
-  No, there isn`t, actually!
-  It simply wants bringing out. It's time I took you in hands, Bertie-Vertie. You want someone to look after you.
-  No, I don`t! Really, I don`t!
-  Yes, you do.
-  Bye-bye, Bertie! Good-bye, Mrs. Gragson.
-  Good-bye!
-  Bertie!
-  Yes, Aunt Agatha.
-  Dear Honoria doesn`t know it, but a little difficulty has arisen about your marriage.
-  By Jove! Really?
-  Oh, it`s nothing at all, of course, it`s only a little exasperating. The fact is the Glossops are being a little troublesome. Sir Roderick particularly so.
-  Thinks, I am not a good bet, eh? Wants to scratch the fixture. Well, it's a shame. Perhaps he's right.
-  Pray, don't be so absurd, Bertie, it is nothing as serious as that. Bertie, nerve specialist with his extensive practice can hardly help taking a rather warped view of humanity.
-  Do you mean he thinks I've got fewer marbles than advertised?
-  No, no. He just wants to satisfy himself that you are completely normal.
-  Well, what a blessed nerve! I mean I'm not a chap to take offence ...
-  So I have said that you would give him dinner this evening.
-  He thinks I may be a raving loony.
-  Don`t be silly, Bertie.

21.
-  And remember, the Glossops drink no wine.
-  Yes, Aunt Agatha, I remember.
-  And remember, sir Roderick needs only the simpliest of food, owing to an impaired digestion.
-  Yes, I should think dog-biscuit and a glass of water would about meet the case.
-  Bertie! That is precisely the sort of idiotic remark, that would be calculated to arouse sir Roderick`s strongest suspicions. He is a very serious-minded man.

22. Кража.
- Well done, Claude
- My hat!

23. Близнецы Вустеры и Рейнсби.
- You're not Bertie?
- He`s better looking than Bertie.
- It`s very kind of you to say so, sir.
- We are his cousins. I am Claude Wooster.
- I am Eustace Wooster.
- I am not his cousin. I am Rainsby.
- I`m delighted to meet you, lord Rainsby. Would you come in, please? 
- What`s your name?
- Jeeves, sir. I am mister Wooster`s new valet.
- The last one used to pinch his socks.
- Mister Wooster is not in at the moment, but I`m sure he would like me to offer you some refreshment.
- That's jolly decent of him, Jeeves.
- He has some Bollinger`27 which is particularly fine.
- It`ll be a shame to let it go off.
- Jeeves.
- Yes, sir?
- We`ve got some things down in a taxi which  we want to take back to Oxford tonight.
- But the last train is not till ten-ten.
- I say! Are we invited to dinner?
- I regret not, sir.
- Anyway, we were going to ask cousin Bertie if we could leave some things here untill the train.
- I am sorry, sir. I should have to ask mister Wooster`s permission first. What manner of things might they be, sir?
- A top-hat.
- A fish.
- And a couple of cats, of course.
- Cats, sir? Perhaps, mister Wooster would not object.
- Thank you, Jeeves. Dog-Face, go and get the stuff and bring it up.
- Right.
- Where is Bertie anyway?
- He had an important meeting with mister Fotheringay-Phipps, sir.
- Barmy Fotheringay-Phipps?
- I believe that is the sobriquet, sir, yes.
- Has the IQ of a backward clam?
- It is my understanding that amongst the fellow-members of "The Drones" club he is considered something of a dangerous intellectual.
- That`s the one.
- Mister Wooster informed me that he is attending the weekly meeting of "The Drones" club Fine Arts Committee.

24. В клубе
- [None]. Seven. Four.
- What`s a king count as?
- Ten.
- What a ten count as then?
- Ten. Tens and all picture cards count as ten. How long have you been playing this game, Barmy?
- About an hour and a quarter.
- Anyhow, it`s a [...].
- Oh, good shot, Bertie.
- My game, I think.
- You've not scored a hundred yet, have you?
- Five hundred.
- Ah, well. I thought we were playing to a hundred.
- Let's have another drink at the bar.
- Can't be done, I'm afraid, Boko. Have people coming down to dinner.
- Toodle-pip.
- Toodle-o

- What's a seven count as?

25. Поющие в терновнике :)
    This is the story of Minnie the Moocher
    She was a low-down hoochie coocher
    She was the roughest toughest frail
    But Minnie had a heart as big as a whale
    Ho de ho de ho (Ho de ho de ho)
    Rah de rah de rah (Rah de rah de rah)
    But Minnie had a heart as big as a whale

- You know, I can't help feeling, Jeeves, that I could do better justice to this song if I understood what the words meant.
- Oh, I doubt that, sir.
- I mean all this "Ho de ho de ho" stuff is pretty clear. What do you suppose a hoochie coocher is exactly?
- It is difficult to say, sir. Unless it's in connection with one of the demotic American words for ardent spirits. I'm thinking of "hooch", a word of Eskimo origin, I'm informed.
- Tut. You bally well are informed, Jeeves! Do you know everything?
- I really don't know, sir.

    She had a dream about the King of Sweden
    He gave her things that she was needin'

- Now you see that is clever, Jeeves
- Really, sir?
- That line about the "king of Sweden" and "things she was needin'"
- Yes, his majesty king Gustav does seem to have been extraordinarily generous to the young lady, sir.
- No, no, no... I mean the fact that it rhymes. You see? Sweden... needin'.
- Almost, sir.

    He gave her a home built of gold and steel
    A platinum car with diamond-studded wheels
    Ho de ho de ho (Ho de ho de ho)

- I say, Jeeves, could you land a hand, do you think?
- Very good, sir.
- It's just a little bit difficult, you know, being just the one of me... It's a the sort of choral response thing. I sing "ho de ho de ho" and you have to go "ho de ho de ho" back, you understand?
- I think so, sir.

  [singing]
 
- Yes. I don't mean to be overly critical, Jeeves. I mean, I know you're doing your best.
- Thank you, sir.
- I just think that perhaps we could dispense with this «sir» at the end of every line. I mean, you know, it shows the proper feudal spirit and all that but I'm afraid it does not play  [...]
- Very good, sir.
- All right.

  [more singing]

- Well now, Jeeves, do you think I ought to sing Minnie the Moocher to the Glossops this evening?
- I should not think it advisable, sir. I've not heard that Sir Roderick is musical.
- No. But Lady Glossop is.
- There is also that to be considered, sir.
- Well now what are you giving us for dinner tonight?
- Consommé, sir. Cutlet and a savory.  And some lemon squash ... iced.
- Well. Don't see how that can harm them. Just don't get carried away with the excitement of the thing and start bringing in coffee.
- Very good, sir.

Ringing of the doorbell.

- Right. Stand by Jeeves. Ha. Thinks I'm Barmy, does he? We'll show him, eh, Jeeves?
- Indubitably, sir.
- Just don't let your eyes go glassy or you'll find yourself in a padded cell before you know where you are.
- What ho! What ho! What ho!
- Good evening, Mr. Wooster.
- Good evening Jeeves.
- Good evening Lady Glossop.
- We are a little late, I'm afraid. Sir Roderick was detained at the Duke of [R...]
- [R...]? Yes. He's of his rocker, isn't he?
- There's nothing seriously wrong with His Grace. But it is really unfortunate that his footman failed to give him his sugar this morning.
- Sugar?
- He likes a lump of sugar [first thing]
- His Grace is under the impression that he is a canary.
- Oh, well.[]
- And as he didn't get his sugar, he flew into a temper and tried to perch on the [...]
- Well, it's not unreasonable. I rather feel like that in the mornings when I don't get my tea.
- Right. So... we should be ready for a dinner.

Сцена с рассаживанием, которую писать лень :)

- Phew. I'm worn out. ... Lemon squash, anyone?
- No, thank you.
- No? Sir Roderick?
- I say, Jeeves. That soup doesn't look at all bad, does it?
- Thank you, sir.

- So. Sir Roderick. This [R..] fellow, does he get dressed up in yellow feathers and all that?
-  Well ...
- I know I would if I thought I was a canary. ... [pretty-polly :)]
- [...] I mean I'm jolly interested in people who get the jimjams because, well, some of my best friends ...
- Hush! Do you keep a cat, mister Wooster?
- A cat? No.
- I had a distinct impression I heard a cat mewing either in this room or very close at hand.
- No. That was probably a taxi or something in the street.
- A taxi, mister Wooster?
- Yes, well, taxies squawk a bit, don't they?
- Squawk?
- Yes, well, like cats in a way.
- Lady Glossop and I have a particular horror of cats.
- Oh, well, there you go then. I don't much like taxies.
- My husband had an unfortunate experience with a taxi only this afternoon.
- Indeed I did. I was about to be driven to the Duke of [R..] house...
- Or a cage as I expect he likes to call it.
- ... anyway... I was sitting innocently in my car, when my hat was snatched from my had, and as I looked back, I perceived it being waved in a kind of feverish triumph from the interior of a taxi-cab. 
- What an extraordinary thing! Must be some sort of practical joke, I suppose.
- I confess I fail to detect anything akin to comedy in the outrage. The action was without question that of a mentally unbalanced subject.

[cat's mewing is heard]

- Mister Wooster! What is the meaning of this?
- Eh?
- There is a cat close at hand. It is not in the street.
- Look I have not got a cat, I tell you. [... get Jeeves in here]

[cat's mewing is heard]

- There.
- I can't bear it. I simply can't bear it.
- No look, it must be Jeeves.
- Jeeves?!
- You called, sir?
- Were... were you making a noise like a cat?
- No, sir. Will that be all, sir?
- No it will jolly well not be all, Jeeves. Are there any cats in the flat?
- Only the three in your bedroom, sir.
- What do you mean "only the three in my bedroom"?
- The black one, sir, the tabby, and the small lemon-colored animal.
- No, no, no, no, look I have not got a cat. I have never had a cat. I had a dog once called Melbo, he's used to sit so close to the fire... No, no, don't walk away. No, no...
- It's all right, my dear. Now stand back! Stand back! Anon!
- I fancy, sir, that the animals might've become somewhat exhilarated as a result of discovering a fish in mister Wooster's bedroom. 
- Fish? In his bedroom?
- Fish?
- Be brave, Delia. My coat
- Now look, I'll prove it to you. I'll prove that there are no cats in my bedroom.

- Your hat, sir Roderick.
- I didn't have a hat. This is the hat that you snatched from my head.
- He did it, Roderick. He stole your hat.
- Back slowly towards the door, Delia. Don't make any sudden movement or do anything that might excite him.
- Oh, look here...
- [...]
- I'll see if I can recover the umbrella, sir.

Ringing of the doorbell.

- I say, those weren't my cats that I saw legging it down the stairs, were they?
- And what were they doing in my bedroom?
- Your man, what's his name, said it would be all right.
- Oh, he did, didn't he?
- I was just coming to collect them.
- Well, they've dashed well gone.
- Well, can't be helped, I suppose.
- What was it for? For that club, was it? The Searchers...
- Seekers, yes. I'll take the hat and the fish, anyway.
- I'm afraid the cats have eaten the fish.
- They wouldn't eat a hat though?
- No, the chap you pinched it from was dining here tonight - he took it away with him.
- No cats, no fish, no hat.
- Well, sorry, but there you are.
- Well, thank you. Bye.
- Good bye.
- I say, I hate to ask you, you couldn't lend me a tenner, could you?
- A tenner? What for?
- The fact is I've got to pop round and bail Claude and Eustace out - they've been arrested.
- Arrested?
- They got a bit above themselves, I'm afraid - tried to pinch a bus.
- And they expect me to provide ten pounds to bail them out?
- They did rather, yes.
- You do realize that the people who were dining here tonight were my prospective in-laws?
- No, I didn't actually. Congratulations.
- Well, because of you they've now gone away from here believing me to be a certified lunatic and determined that I shall never ... marry their daughter.
- Oh, frightfully sorry.
- Tell you what. Why don't we make it twenty pounds? You can bail them out and by them a drink before you [put them onto] the train.
- I say, that's jolly decent of you.
- No, no [...] No really. I insist.

Next scene
- This was all your doing, wasn't it, Jeeves?
- Sir?
- You worked the whole thing, didn't you? With the Glossops?
- Well, if you pardon the liberty, sir, I doubt if the young lady would have been entirely suitable for you.
- And what a wheeze, you knowing all about the Glossop's horror of [...].  I say, Jeeves, you are a bit of a marvel.
- Very good of you to say so, sir. Will that be all, sir?
- Yes. Thank you Jeeves. Yes.
- Breakfast at the usual hour, sir?
- Yes. Thank you, Jeeves. Good night.
- Good night, sir.
Начало Тема Форум Российского общества Вудхауза / Дживс и Вустер / Сценарий: 1.1 Знакомство

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